I so wish more people talked about this! I went through a friend breakup last year after nearly ten years of friendship, and it was really hard. To break it down, I asked for space while I attempted to figure out what boundaries I needed to set, and when I asked for open and honest communication about how to work on our friendship, she was unable or unwilling to. It was hard to have a friendship end overnight, and there are times I still think of our inside jokes, or wish I could I could share things with her. But ultimately, it did help me understand that not everyone is capable of having hard conversations, and I can't and won't force anyone to communicate with me, or force myself to swallow my true feelings of frustration in order to keep anyone else comfortable. Sigh. Thank you for writing about this topic and speaking so many feelings that have only ever been inside my head!
Right?? There's this need to keep everything pleasant all of the time, and that's unreasonable. If we can't get uncomfortable with each other, then how can we grow together? At the same time, if we can't give someone space, then how can they be expected to process what they're going through and return to the convo? Time and patience are very much part of this give and take.
As usual, I loved this post, and not only because I've been through a lot of these situations myself in the past. I've had close groups of friends in elementary school, high school, and college implode and drift apart pretty quickly for what seemed like no real reason. And at times individual friends have ghosted me after a while. Have I done it to others too? Probably a few times. But I think it's just because people change, and I try not to think too much about it or worry if there was something I did wrong because I want to believe there was a reason for all of it that helped us grow. So I'm with you there!
We have discussed this already, but you're right. People change, and that is OKAY! And it's fine for friends to move on. But it's good when you can clearly communicate--and leave doors open instead of slamming them.
I so wish more people talked about this! I went through a friend breakup last year after nearly ten years of friendship, and it was really hard. To break it down, I asked for space while I attempted to figure out what boundaries I needed to set, and when I asked for open and honest communication about how to work on our friendship, she was unable or unwilling to. It was hard to have a friendship end overnight, and there are times I still think of our inside jokes, or wish I could I could share things with her. But ultimately, it did help me understand that not everyone is capable of having hard conversations, and I can't and won't force anyone to communicate with me, or force myself to swallow my true feelings of frustration in order to keep anyone else comfortable. Sigh. Thank you for writing about this topic and speaking so many feelings that have only ever been inside my head!
Right?? There's this need to keep everything pleasant all of the time, and that's unreasonable. If we can't get uncomfortable with each other, then how can we grow together? At the same time, if we can't give someone space, then how can they be expected to process what they're going through and return to the convo? Time and patience are very much part of this give and take.
As usual, I loved this post, and not only because I've been through a lot of these situations myself in the past. I've had close groups of friends in elementary school, high school, and college implode and drift apart pretty quickly for what seemed like no real reason. And at times individual friends have ghosted me after a while. Have I done it to others too? Probably a few times. But I think it's just because people change, and I try not to think too much about it or worry if there was something I did wrong because I want to believe there was a reason for all of it that helped us grow. So I'm with you there!
We have discussed this already, but you're right. People change, and that is OKAY! And it's fine for friends to move on. But it's good when you can clearly communicate--and leave doors open instead of slamming them.