That Dreaded Word: Love
Why is it so scary?
The Wheel of Satisfaction
Some elements in the Satisfaction Wheel will speak to you more than others. Last week, I focused on Career. This week, we’re looking at LOVE. Remember, these posts are in conjunction with my newsletters. Sign up here if you would like more!
What if we all had the balls to admit that love is hard, but that we deserve it?
LOVE
I used to have a Hinge profile. If you’ve never been on a dating app, bear with me. Hing asks you to fill in prompts designed to spark conversation. I remember that this was one of mine:
I’m ready to talk about…
To which I wrote, Our society’s puritanical attitude about sex.
Why do I bring this up in a talk about love? Because we can easily replace sex with love.
It does not make sense to me why we are so icky about love. I used to show Romeo + Juliet (1996) to freshmen. They would stay riveted to the opening shootout scene. Cars flipping. Guns firing. Buildings blazing. But when we got to the kiss scene, I had a roomful of squirming 14 year olds averting their eyes.
Why are we so comfortable with violence and so uncomfortable with a basic human impulse?
Love is scary. It’s likely that an individual will know the pain of heartbreak. It’s much less likely (prayerfully) that they will witness “civil brawls bred of an airy word.”
Maybe that’s why we squirm? Because we can suspend disbelief at the violence but know all too well that giving our heart away is inevitable?
Maybe we should stop suspending disbelief. Our cavalier acceptance of violence and shunning of love and affection haven’t created shangri-la. Violence is too real and immediate. People are swept to the side, categorized and cancelled, made to feel unseen. Unloved. And then they get angry.
What if we all had the balls to admit that love is hard, but that we deserve it?
And what if we stopped getting angry when people didn’t give us the love we needed? What if it mattered less because we knew how to love ourselves right?
Do you know how you need to be loved? Can you clearly state it? Have you given time to this question? Have you explored your needs, revised them, allowed how they’ve grown over time?
Or is love a thing that kind of floats around in your home, in your life? So-and-so loves you. Cool. The kids love you. Family loves you. It’s there. What more need you question, right?
Or love is a thing you’re running from–or seeking desperately. Either way, it’s all one. You’re looking externally. You’re evaluating your love bonds with others and not evaluating your love bond with yourself.
Love is part of the satisfaction wheel. But when you click a score in this category, are you really grading the right thing?
So much to think about here, Skye! What a great post - thank you.
I read Romeo & Juliet for my A-level English. I'd heard OF the story before that, but had no clue before I picked up my copy of the play quite what it was all about. It was beautiful, shocking, heartbreaking and life-affirming in its tragic way. I haven't seen the Luhrman film (where have I BEEN?!) but I think I'll seek it out!
Your point about love for yourself is absolutely spot on. Thank you so much for a great read!
I think you're absolutely right on in what you said about violence being okay to talk about and show everywhere, but not sex. I'm not saying overdoing either is right of course, but our culture being so blase about bloody gory violence but so horrified about nudity, for example, is a huge double standard. But I also agree that love for yourself is the most important thing! If you don't love yourself, I don't think you can really begin to love others the way they deserve.