In the Weeds

Am I unraveling or wound too tight? Thoughts on finding direction.

I am in the weeds right now. That’s a phrase I learned in my very brief stint as a waitress. It means you’re overwhelmed. Backed up. Unable to see above what’s directly in front of you.

So I am writing this newsletter two days late this week. Because of course I am.

Chaos in the kitchen

I could blame my in the weeds status on a busy long weekend of social events and hosting. I could blame it on an upcoming trip and too many bookings. But that would be a cop out.

The truth is, I’m in the weeds because I don’t know where the hell I’m going.

I thought I wanted to be a personal trainer. I don’t. I want to be a wellness coach. I thought I wanted to be a novelist. I do, but I want my stories to logically connect to my coaching method. And, right now, they are two very separate entities. I didn’t know I wanted to be an event facilitator, but suddenly that role has blossomed in my life. It’s brought with it new things to learn, and more places where my attention is required.

See what I mean? That paragraph is a tumbleweed of opportunities, good ideas, and no clear vision.

In her article, “Not All Who Wander Are Lost, But I Sure as Hell Am,”

Samantha Childress

wrote:

“I feel that somehow I’ve drifted off course and I don’t know where to go from here.”

Although the sensation is hitting very differently for her, I feel those words deeply right now. I have a lovely little business that I’m building, and yet I don’t know where to go next.

Sometimes we can’t know which way to go. Sometimes we must leap into the wild unknown. I call this “flipping the table.” I have flipped the table on my life more than once. It is chaotic, painful, triumphant, and hard as hell. But growth doesn’t happen in routines.

This is different. Or, at least, I perceive it to be different. This is about finding a path that’s clear and dynamic, not wandering and exploring what next. What do you do when you’ve got the puzzle pieces and no reference image to start from?

Find the corners, I suppose. What are my anchors? Maybe that’s a good question to sit with for now.

While I sit and ponder—and, truly, practice gratitude because these problems are nothing in comparison to my joys—I will leave you to ponder, too.

Your Turn

Where are you lost right now? Spend some time honestly facing it. Maybe you’ve been in denial. Maybe you’ve been covering up your lost-ness with busyness. Maybe admitting how lost you are is going to make some structures collapse.

Maybe you should let them.

But don’t forget to flip the coin. Where are you growing right now? What is sprouting or blossoming in your life that you’re proud of? What’s working?