From 32C to 30F: Learning to Love My New Shape

Unexpected "growth" after surgery.

My breasts are bigger now.

“Yeah, I immediately noticed.” – Every single friend who visited during recovery.

Thanks to my prophylactic mastectomy, I’ve gone from a 32C to a 30F bra size. From smallish-but-proportioned to, well… a serious rack. My gorgeous collection of expensive lingerie? Rehomed. Not a single piece fits anymore.

May they support someone else’s adventures now.

Whose body is this? What can it do? What does it feel?

I’ve been asking those questions for the 50 days since surgery.

Why Bigger?

No, I didn’t ask for a massive boob upgrade. And no, my surgeon isn’t a perv. In a DIEP flap reconstruction, surgeons take two flaps of fat and tissue from each side of the abdomen and transfer them—microsurgery style—into the breast. They can’t just use part of a flap, so the size reflects what came from my abdomen.

The result: a completely different silhouette.

What’s It Like?

Along with the size change comes a shift in sensation. My surgical team did an impressive job grafting nerves in both my abdomen and breasts, but things feel… different. I can’t feel anything in certain spots. (Case in point: my doctor stuck a needle in my belly—no Lidocaine—and I didn’t even flinch.) Other areas that used to be hypersensitive are now just faintly tingly.

Physically, recovery has been smooth (thank you, naps and collagen). Mentally? Choosing to voluntarily reshape your body to slash your cancer risk is a whole other journey. It’s going well. Mostly.

Learning the Language of My New Body

The first time I hobbled into the bathroom post-op and undressed to shower, I gaped at my reflection. Holy shit.

Swollen, bruised breasts with deep red scars beneath. A wicked, barbed-wire style suture from hip to hip under a flat stomach (with a brand-new belly button). And the drains. But we covered those already.

Now, the swelling is mostly gone. My scars are softer, pink instead of angry red. But a new body isn’t exactly what you’d expect. I love it—in some ways. In others, not so much. I still catch myself critiquing my reflection just like I did pre-op… before I stop and let that crap go. This is my body. It’s healthy, healing, and carrying me through life. I’m grateful. So, so grateful.

Getting Acquainted

At first, my new breasts felt like strangers. They were so swollen that I couldn’t see past them when I looked down! Getting them into a compression bra after a shower was a three-person job. (I wish I were exaggerating.)

As the swelling eased, I started jade rolling them—like I do my face—to help with lymphatic drainage. It became more than a post-op routine. It was a way to get acquainted. My fingers learned the new curves. My breasts learned new sensations. It was a gentle introduction.

To my delight, I haven’t lost all feeling. I can still feel a lot—just differently. Muted, but real. They still respond to touch, and maybe that will improve as nerves continue to heal. I didn’t expect to feel anything at all, so I’m thrilled with the outcome even now.

The Right Fit

You might think clothing would be a challenge. Surprisingly, no. Most shirts still fit. The pretty bras are gone, but they’ve found new homes, and I’ll rebuild my collection after revision surgery.

Now that I’m out of compression binders 24/7, my new body is starting to feel like mine. I wouldn’t have chosen this size for myself. But then, I wouldn’t have chosen the BRCA1 gene mutation, either.

It’s not that drastic… right??

Which brings me back to choice.

I could choose to fixate on the flaws I see in the mirror. To mourn lost sensation, the long recovery, and a gene mutation that started it all.

Instead, I’m choosing to smile at my reflection. To love my new, scarred, healing body. To embrace this shape and feel sexy as hell—because that’s what I choose to be. Some days, it’s a conscious decision. Not always the easy one. But I choose it, dammit.

There’s more beauty in acceptance—more sexiness in self-appreciation—than in any dress size or body shape. 

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Your Turn

DROP A COMMENT: Tell me one way you’ve embraced a change to your body. Don’t be shy—we need to talk about these things. Want to stay anonymous? Send me your story HERE, and I’ll share it with the community.