A Geek Love Story

On Falling A Bit Much in Love

“Geeks are people who love something so much that all the details matter.”

Marissa Mayer

I remember the first time I fell in love. I was 11 and fully into the awkwardness of preadolescence. The family Friday night ritual was a trip to the video store to choose the weekend’s entertainment (hello, showing my age). Dad kept bugging me to try this movie called A Hard Day’s Night starring some old musical group called The Beatles. 

Photo by Michael Aleo on Unsplash

John Lennon died years before I was born. This was the era when New Kids On the Block were plastered on every conceivable piece of merch. Overalls were fashionable, especially if you left one shoulder unhooked. It was the time of Tupac vs. Biggie. Pearl Jam vs. Nirvana. Slap bracelets and Hypercolor shirts.

It took some persuading to get me to say yes to this movie. I was no trendsetter, but it just seemed old and weird. And, it was in black and white. Boring! Finally, though, I caved. We went home, popped the VHS in, and pressed play.

I can’t explain this any other way: when the opening chord of the titular song hit my ears, I fell instantly, totally in love. Something rewired in my brain. It was like a piece of me locked into place. The Beatles’ music, their irreverent but non-malicious humor, their accents–everything about them was a yes for me. 

That video rental kicked off a lifetime fandom. While my friends swooned over the latest boy bands, I papered my walls in Beatles posters. I learned everything about them, to the point where I placed 3rd in a national Beatles trivia contest when I was 14. First and second place went to people who were actually alive when The Beatles were a group. In pursuing all the details, I learned that they weren’t just the clean cut, cute lads from those early movies. Their life journeys helped me expand my understanding of the world. Of love. Of passion.

In short, and I realize this story isn’t, The Beatles are so deeply ingrained in my personality that sometimes I don’t even mention them as a favorite band. It’s almost like saying, “yeah, I really love breathing.” I mean, I do, but it’s just part of being alive. Same with The Beatles. They’re just a part of me.

What I’ve not chosen to focus on here is how being A Bit Much in my fandom set me apart from other preadolescent girls in my generation. I was swooning over Paul McCartney while my peers shrieked for Justin Timberlake. (To be fair, we all shriek for JT even now. But you see what I mean.) Learning about John Lennon’s murder broke my heart while peers wept for Kurt Cobain.

There’s a lot I could unpack about how that compounded feelings of not fitting in at a developmental time when fitting in was supposed to be top priority. But that’s kind of the point with being a geek. When you’re a geek, as the quote says, all the details matter. And what mattered to me, then and now, is that I love what I love. I didn’t love The Beatles because it was cool. I loved them because they lit me up. They made not fitting in more than worth it. They mattered more than following trends.

The Beatles taught my heart the way it would love. Of all my interests, passions, lovers, and friends, the ones who have printed most on me are those with whom all the details mattered. Their duration as a band was quick and bright, intense to the point of changing the whole world. Many of my loves have lasted decades and still do. But for me, they change the world. And they make being A Bit Much absolutely worth it.

… I did not expect this to be the topic of this week’s essay. It was meant to be a reflection on going home. Guess that’ll have to wait till next time. Until then:

Your Turn

• Reflect on something or someone you have loved passionately.

• What caused the first fall into love with them?

• How has loving them/it changed your life?

• Try to think about loves that have been deep and real and happy in their outcome—and some which might’ve been painful but taught you a lot about who you could be.