A Bit of... Anger?

This is the world I want to live in. This is where you’ll find me.

Am I angry? Or was it just a headache?

I was at a full moon workshop recently. We took turns giving each other intuitive messages, which was a fascinating experience. Some of the things I was told hit hard. But two people made mention of sensing I was angry. Ready to tell someone off. I did have a headache, so maybe that’s what they were sensing?

But am I angry? I don’t think I’m angry. But am I? Let me check in on that. And let me do it here, so you can hopefully work through your own emotions as well. 

If I’m angry, what do I want to say? What am I shouting right now?

Stop othering people! Stop saying people who disagree with you are stupid! Stop categorizing other human beings based on labels you ascribe to them! And, for the love of god, please start spending your time on things that make you happy. Get active. Take a nap. Participate. Create. Connect. 

Ahem. 

The thing is, shouting at people is so very useless. I’ve told this story before: walking to work, heartbroken, life in shambles, and crying about it. Knowing I had to go teach, I told myself, get your shit together. Then, I stopped walking. Realization hit hard. Why the hell would I talk to myself like that? When did that kind of language work on anyone? So why would I talk like that to me? 

“Stop crying. Get your shit together.” These are not the words that make someone feel better.

Shouting at people to do what you want them to doesn’t get you any one bit further. I suppose if it did, we’d all do just what the loudest shouters wanted. And it’s pretty clear that we don’t live in a uniform society. 

So, no, I don’t feel like shouting, thanks. Not my style–not anymore. 

If I’m angry, what do I want to say? What am I offering right now?

I don’t want to fight with you. I love you. I respect you. I want to enjoy moments with you. Let’s gather in places where we feel safe to be ourselves. You can be messy here. You don’t have to be a certain thing or fit a category. I ask for respect. Tolerance. Acceptance of differences. I suggest humility and the grace to realize you don’t know what others have been through. I encourage you to find common bonds and allow for unique expression. Sound good? Let’s do it. 

Writing that, I didn’t feel angry at all. I felt excited. I know you’re with me. I know there are so many of us who are looking for the spaces where we can be ourselves. I know, like me, a lot of you have worked very hard to arrange yourself for others. Hid parts of you out of fear of rejection or misunderstanding. I know many of you have worried, like me, about being shunned. Iced out. 

I also know you don’t agree with me on everything. I don’t need you to. And what’s more, I know you don’t need it, either. We can get together and bond without having much in common at all. 

I like progress. I think we have the capacity to learn, grow, and change until we are dead. (After that, who knows!) When people I love and trust ice me out, I become very anxious and sad. And that can make me angry because anger is often just a rebuttal to fear.

When my ex gave me the silent treatment for hours, was I afraid that something was wrong between us? 

Yes. And I was right.

When my grandparents went for weeks without talking to my family, was I afraid I wouldn’t get to see them again?

Yes. Maybe yes. I was young. It’s hard to be sure. 

When my best friend shut me out as my life went into a tailspin, was I afraid of losing her?

Definitely yes. And I did. That was hard to get over, but I was going through so much then anyway that it kind of got lumped into the chaos. 

The point is, I don’t deal well with the silent treatment. And all around me, I see people shutting each other out. Does that make me angry? Does it make me sad? 

I’m not sure.

Maybe both. Maybe neither because what’s the point? Why pour so much of my energy into wishing people behaved differently? I can’t change that by telling them to stop doing such things. I can only control one person’s behavior: my own. 

So I’m going to do my best to treat people how I want to be treated. I’ll listen, learn, agree, and disagree. Through my books, my groups, and my gatherings, I’ll make space where we aren’t so different. We’re just people in progress, and that’s enough. 

It’s all we can ever really be, I suppose. 

Thanks to book conventions, social media, and a passion for travel, I have a web of connections that spans the globe. I’m so humbly proud of that fact. It means a lot to me to get to know people from all walks of life. It’s the best feeling when I’m gathered with a group of wildly individualistic, unique people, and I’m watching them talk, laugh, and connect. 

If you’re into personal development, come hang out with me/us. If you believe in the power of human connection, let’s vibe. We can talk about stuff. We don’t have to talk about all the stuff. Let’s see where we can go together.

Thinking about the groups I’m part of, I feel happy. Deeply happy. Inspired. Excited. Enlightened. 

This is the world I want to live in. This is where you’ll find me.